Brain science is a big part of taking control of our own lives instead of falling victim to our circumstances. In conscious parenting courses, I teach clients to understand their own brains and how they were programmed as well as to understand their children’s brains and how they’re being shaped throughout their upbringing.
First fun fact: Most of our decisions do not occur in the conscious part of the mind (which only makes about 5% percent of the total brain).
It is pretty much common knowledge these days that our emotions impact our thoughts. And our thoughts about our experiences eventually create our belief systems. A combination of all these things--- beliefs, emotions, and thoughts--- effect human behavior. So, it is no wonder that when it comes to conscious parenting and our kids’ behavior, having a basic understanding of the brain is important!
Today I want to challenge you to begin believing that it is important to know how your own brain works as well as how your child’s brain is developing!
Affirmations: It is important for me to understand how my brain works. It is important for me to understand how my child’s brain is developing.
Let me explain why it is so important to integrate this belief into your life.
It is the beginning of a shift in your conscious parenting relationship.
What beliefs do you currently have about children?
Those beliefs might sound harsh to you. But for some people, they might sound normal. The conditioning of our brains is deep, and our beliefs about children often reflect what we believe about ourselves. It is truly heartbreaking because we grow up to have these beliefs because these are the ways we were made to feel when we were children.
The good news about these limiting beliefs about children is that we have the power to change them!
Second fun fact about the brain: It is flexible! Neuroplasticity is defined as the ability for the brain to make new connections through learning and experiencing!
So, what beliefs do we want to have instead?
Third fun fact about the brain: Your brain remains unformed until you’re around 25 years old. It develops from back to front, and the structure working on reasoning, the frontal lobe, etc., remains underdeveloped till that age.
This means that when children behave in ways that don’t seem logical to an adult--- it is literally because they do not have adult brains!
Fourth fun fact: Impulse control, the ability to stop oneself from taking action when the urge comes up, doesn’t develop until a child is older. Children will outgrow childish behaviors if they’re seeing appropriate behaviors modeled by the grownups in their life. It is not possible to punish a child into developing more quickly. Take a look at your life as an adult, too. Do you have perfect impulse control? Do you make every decision perfectly or do you have things about your behavior and habits that you’d like to improve? We tend to be hard on our kids about their behavior even though every human will always have room for improvement.
We have all heard the myth that you only use 10% of your brain. It's wrong. You use nearly all your brain in every single task you do, even sleeping. It might be true that we are only intentional with our brains 10% of the time (I made that up, don’t quote me there). But you see what I’m getting at, right?
It is so important for us to consciously choose the beliefs we have about ourselves and our children so that we can live a more empowered, purposed life!
With so much love!
xoxo,
BONUS:
If you're interested in learning more in-depth about brain science and conscious parenting, check out this quick read!
Don’t like a behavior your kid is doing? Ask yourself these questions:
1. Are they old enough to understand why the behavior shouldn’t be done?
a. If no, stop here. Set loving boundaries while remaining fully supportive. “I understand you wish you could run away while we are in the supermarket, but it is my job to keep you safe so we will have to stay together. I’m going to buckle you into the cart now.” Hold space for their emotions, but don’t give in to allowing them to partake in the unsafe behavior.
b. If yes, move on to question 2.
2. Was this a spur-of-the-moment, struggle to control their impulses? Or is this a habitual behavior pattern?
a. If it was a struggle to control their impulses, kindly redirect. Show that you understand it’s hard to stay in control all the time.
b. If this is a habitual pattern of behavior, get curious about what could be happening under the surface. If it feels like the child is seeking attention, they might need some extra one on one time with you. Work to make a plan that will fix the root issue. Their behaviors are only symptoms. Look for the cause.
BIO
Natalie Tellish is a conscious parenting coach who helps parents overcome their greatest parenting challenges.
Natalie believes in unconditional love and guiding children gently as they develop into respectful, kind, emotionally secure adults.
She has supported thousands of families as they transition from chaotic home environments filled with stress, punishment, and yelling to cultivating genuine peace and harmony within the home.
She has studied and utilized conscious parenting practices for 13 years. Natalie received her parent coaching certification in 2018 from the Jai Institute for Parenting.
Alongside her roles as a wife and mother of four, running her parent coaching business, and co-authoring a best-selling title, Ambitious Women Rise, Natalie is a full-time college student at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology from where she will receive her BA in psychology in December, 2021.